The lazy boredom disease.

I wish to be with someone right now, but that would require moving. I might actually have to put on real people clothes, apply make up, or heaven forbid, go outside. This would mean that I would spend thirty minutes getting ready and then driving 20 minutes to an hour to be with said friend. This would then be followed by a lengthly debate for 15 to 30 minutes about what we should do for the evening.

This is why I love Ian. Ian takes no effort whatsoever and I usually just have to roll over to my right to have a friend.

Oh friends, can't we all just hang out in our pjs watching tv? Can't we be stinky and eat all of the fudge and cookies my mom just made?

I disgust myself. Maybe this is just a winter thing? Why must I be so lazy? I need some motivation!

I AM BORED.

I hope you all will come see it...

I got most of my dance out today. It's not exactly where I want it but I have a feeling it's going to turn out wonderfully. I just wish the girls would really get it. We still have six months but being my first dance I want it to be perfect.

I'm playing with the idea of having people act out a cheesy silent film scene in the first 20 seconds.

I should probably be documenting the dance...I need a video camera! :D

At least it's not the flu.

My left side of my nose is clogged. The right side burns when I breathe.
My throat is dry.
I got a brain freeze earlier today, the sensation stuck and my head is freezing. It's been eight hours.

Vitamin C, NyQuil, Nasal Decongestant. Please save me.

A million thoughts.

I want to be a better person. I want to be healthy (this includes respecting my body), to let go of any personal grudges or drama I have, to read more, to study hard, to socialize, to dance and choreography until I can no longer move. I would love to build healthy relationships, work hard, and be happy. I want to work with children, be great at my job and work for a long time. I want to feel great about myself, love myself, love my family and friends.

I don't want to judge people, I don't want to gossip, I don't want to get angry, jealous, or irritated. I don't want to be irritated with you because you are becoming friends with someone I loathe. I don't want to hear my friends talking about how they don't enjoy other friends. I don't want friends to be unhappy because they are involved in unhealthy relationships.

I feel that so often lately a thought has come through my head and I do whatever I can to unthink it. I want to be everything I respect and not be a person that I dislike.

Goals.

In middle school, each student made an autobiography and there was a section that listed your goals. I've been thinking a lot lately about how irritated I am with myself for not finishing and training for that marathon. I think I'm going to try again and I'm also going to update/publish some goals/dreams/fun things.

1. Finish a marathon.

2. Own and teach at my dance studio.

3. Graduate from college and go back for a master's degree. I would really love to study more dance. I think it would be very interesting to work on the scientific/social part and look at how and why people move.

4. Get married, be a wonderful wife and work hard at building a beautiful, respectful relationship.

5. Have babies, be a great parent and really get to know and understand my kids.

6. Go sky diving, bungee jumping, and zip-lining!

7. Do some sort of theater again, I would love to get involved with lighting.

8. Take photography, cooking, foreign language and ASL classes.

9. Exercise regularly. I love Zumba, dancing, swimming, kickboxing, yoga etc. I just don't understand why I can't bring myself to be active each and every day.

10. Travel abroad for a lengthy amount of time. I'm so jealous of you Ashley. I feel like living somewhere else will give life a new perspective and complete me as a person. Could you imagine? Dancing in other countries? Gee Wiz!

11. I would really love to stop gossiping, judging, and comparing myself to others. I feel that leaving the cell phone at home and catching up at night would be enough, let my folks know that I'm alive. We don't need the fb, myspace, and what ever. I should at least cut my internet time down to 10 minutes a day.

This is a good start. I don't want to drag on and force it but if I could accomplish these, I could be happy.

Green Lemonade

I read in Shape last year about a woman who drank Green Lemonade for breakfast every morning. I've wanted to try it for the last year, but buying a juicer hasn't been at the top of my list.

I'm at Ian's house, and after watching video games for waaaay toooooo maaaaannnnyyy hours I asked Calana to read a book she owns, "The Raw Food Detox Diet." I know what you are thinking, for some reason the crazy "fruitarian" hippie from "Notting Hill" pops into my mind... This stuff is crazy we just need to eat everything in moderation right?

I've been thinking a lot about how way back when humans survived. They didn't have margarita's and Big Mac's, they ate fruit, nuts, what ever was lying around and bone marrow. Are bodies are meant to eat REAL foods. Fruits, veggies, grains, nuts, and a little meat. Raw food diet extremists tend to avoid meats and stick to veggies. I think I can find a balance and eat a mostly plant based diet.

I'll give it a shot.

To my fellow artists. (Ashely, Alexis and Brooke the only people who probably will read this)

I get to create my first real dance for the stage. (At college level) I have a general idea, I just am wanting to figure out specifics. I'm going to go very psuedo-artsy, research and get super into character.

Here is the my background info:
Growing up, I watched a lot of scary movies that were not intended for children my age. As a result, I'm deathly afraid of scary movies and I'm very paranoid that some crazy killer is after me. I don't over analyze as often as I did when I was younger, but I have spent a great deal of time jumping around corners in attack position ready to fight off some psycho.

Here is my idea:
NOW I wish to make a dance revolving around insane, murderous, horror film likeness and the life it has. Alicia, my co-choreographer is going to take ballerinas, they will be the innocent and the life that every horror film (dance) needs. My plan is to take modern dancers and make them crazy. I want them to be INSANE. I'm not sure where the dance will lead to, if they will kill each other or whether it will be dramatic or abstract. I've been thinking about it today and I'm wondering why people would kill.

Here are my thought on why insane people are the way they are:
1. They hear voices telling them to do it.
2. They are paranoid that everyone is after them.
3. Just plain crazy?

Any thoughts?

I guess I want to do the whole Heath Ledger thing and really get into it and find out what I need to make a dance about psychopathic monsters. (I won't go as far as he did..)

I'm really excited and I know this sounds slightly off for me to be taking on but this is my chance to finally create something. I GET TO DO WHAT I LOVE!

Blood Sugar Levels? Hormones? Psychological Disorders?

Some days, I would rather not exist. It's just like some massive emotional explosion, I feel sad, angry, and all other sorts of irritating ways. I'm going to blame hormones and anxiously wait this day out.

Oh to be a woman.

Materials

Alexis posted some items she has been thinking about purchasing and I decided to post some things I have been hoping to buy soon.

Good advertising? I'm sorry but I really really want a Dyson ball vacuum cleaner!

Tim Gunn said I need a trench coat. This is sort of a trench coat. I loves it.

I'll need a sweet lamp for my apartment next year...

I'm very picky about my slip on sneakers. It seems like it always takes everyone else two seconds to put on shoes so to catch up, I require slip ons. Since my other two pairs fill up with water every time it rains, I think it is time for a new pair!

I read that you should have your food processor sitting out so then you are more motivated to use it. I want to make my own salad dressings, sauces and soups!

Tim Gunn also said I need to have a cashmere sweater in my wardrobe. So I guess I need to get one. It's so pretty, professional it reads teacher!!

.

shelves. I love decorating my room and I always need more space to put my junk.

GRAND TOTAL: just a little under $1000... a girl can dream.

SYTYCD: Mandy Moore

Tonight I went to a master class with Mandy Moore. It was basically Bikram Jazz/Contemporary. I felt like I was in a sauna, felt old and also felt very fat. The one thing Mandy told me was to fully extend my arm, even if I'm marking. I wasn't marking. I PERFORMED LIKE I WAS MARKING?

I can feel when I dance that I'm holding back, I don't know why I'm holding back or why I'm so afraid. I've felt it for a very long time and I know I can not teach if I can not dance for myself.

Why do I hate myself? Why am I so insecure? Dancing has always been something I love. What is going on?

Just a morning blurb

I was catching up and reading my mormon blogs and I had to make myself stop because I miss you guys so damn (sorry) much! I want to visit, and I know it is my turn but I lack the funds, especially now that I have to pay to visit my sister(s) and ian. (ALSO, IT WOULD BE A BIT DIFFICULT TO GO TO ROMANIA!) Anyways, Brooke & Ashley I love you guys so dearly and although we rarely see each other, you mean the world to me and it breaks my heart not to see you every day!

C Jayne Dance may actually become a reality.

In high school, I had to make an ad for a make-believe business. I made a dance studio and called it "C Jayne Dance" (GET IT!?) Anyways, it has always been in my head that I would have my own studio and teach dance after college. I also wish to teach in general because it sounds awesome but also because I think it's a good idea to have a back up/a steady sort of job (bad economy= little hope for a new business).

Today, my friend Alicia and I were talking about how we most look forward to teaching dance once we finish college. Then we both sort of looked at each other and a light bulbs went off. We have now decided that we will open up a dance studio together.

She's from the Seattle area and her boyfriend lives in Auburn and is planning on moving in. Alicia loves ballet, tap, lyrical and mostly teaching the older age group. I'm from the Seattle area and plan on living there after college. I love modern/contemporary, hip hop, jazz and mostly teaching the younger age group. We just realized what a perfect fit it would be and I think I would be content in life with this career set up.

Now all we need is money, space, and students.

I just want to talk about this and I don't know which internet device to post it to.

Last night, my friend Erica and I were watching the movie Taken (It was pretty good but creepy as hell). Anyways, she is now 7 months pregnant and during the movie little Delilah June started kicking. I preceded to tell Erica that I had never ever felt a baby kick before, so she put my hand on her tummy and I felt her little soccer star kick. It was the craziest thing and so unbelievably cool. It's so weird to think that a little being is in there and will be out soon. The more I hang out with Erica the more baby crazy I'm getting.

I don't want kids for a loong looong while, but I can't wait to have my own :]

I'm putting my blog title to use.

I actually took pictures today! I also messed around with my camera so most of them came out terrible. Here are a few...



Sorry But I had to include a dog shot! ha.








I love dancing so incredibly much. I drives me nuts that this program isn't that great but then again I could be working on my own to make myself better.

Block

It's so difficult for me to write anything here because I feel like it needs to be something substantial. I also have a sparkpeople blog where I'm supposed to write according to health and a livejournal which I normally just post for the audience (some of my high school friends). I wanted to just post pictures, but most of my photos are of my dogs... I don't really feel like being the crazy dog woman, maybe this will motivate me to take photos elsewhere? I'm just going to post a photo anyways so here you go:


Piper stole my spot when I got up this morning.

Marley and Me <3

I watched the film "Vicky Christina Barcelona" for the second time this past weekend, and I was reminded how uncultured Americans are. I feel like I waste so much of my time at the computer waiting for someone to FB me or watching mindless television. I wish I had the talent and time to spend all day reading, cooking, drinking wine, painting, writing songs, sketching, playing guitar, taking pictures, eating fabulous food, conversing in intelligent conversation and dancing.

Maybe next year I won't get cable or have a TV in my room. For the most part all the decent shows are online, the only thing I would be missing out on would be the food network...

It's time to incorporate more activities that will be meaningful.

In other news, today I doggy-sat and thought I would share some ridiculous pictures (hey, I incorporated photography into my day!) of this creature. This is Marley, she is half pomeranian half pekingese.

Educators of Education

Today, I received a paper back from a teacher with a bright and shiny "F" awaiting me. (Actually just a 14.5/27.) I obviously didn't deserve the grade, but it got me thinking about how this program has poor educators teaching education. Does this seem like a bad idea or what? I also started thinking about how teachers grade. I have learned something from the assignment and something important at that. I produce a fine piece of writing, this does not deserve a failing grade.

I feel like I should be able to ask for my money back. We pay for school, yet we are controlled by the teachers. For a class that is supposed to teach how to teach children to read, I don't believe I have been fully prepared and I want my money and time back. Maybe get a free class out of the deal?

Well, it's finals week. The good news is it's almost over. The bad news is it's going to start ALL over again.