REVERB #3 & #4

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

I am feeling particularly grumpy today. Feeling like I should probably read, write, and exercise to get my mood going.

I had to let go of a lot of things this last year. It's kinda ridiculous. I tried really hard to let go of drama or my hurt feelings. I created my first two modern pieces and I love them dearly. The first was exactly what I wanted, it was weird and explored a movement vocabulary I didn't know I had. The second was a problem for a long while. I had to work really hard to not let my higher up get to me. She made me feel like it was awful the whole time I created it. She kept saying things that made me think I could never finish it and it would never be good enough. I was offered no constructive feedback and was forced to figure out everything on my own. In the end, it was pretty good, I believe if I wouldn't have been so stressed about it, I would have created a piece with higher quality choreography. Anyways, I really had to let her words go and let go of my inner fighting thoughts and just creating what I could.

I also obviously, had to let go of my bestest friend and the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. It was brutal at first, I didn't really know what to do without him, but I have found that I am much better off without him. Though, I do hope that some day (far far away) we can be friends again.

I also had to let go of my perceptions of my sister. I found out a lot about her this year, she is going through some tough stuff, and I hope that she can get happy & healthy so we can get to know each other...


This is kind of a downer... maybe I need to write about something else...


December 8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

I need to talk about myself in a positive way. Maybe this will cheer me up :D

My brain always comes up with the most awkward and weird thoughts. This makes me feel unique because of the reactions I often receive. I enjoy being different, I think most people aspire to be different, it's fun. Erica still always makes fun of me because when she was pregnant, I asked her if she thought people thought we were lesbians having a baby. Obviously, no one actually thought that, and that's probably why Erica looked at me in the weirdest way and laughed hysterically. She still brings it up, I am embarrassed that I said something that off but it makes for a good story now. I guess this also goes along with my choreography. I loved challenging people in Orchesis and we had a lot of fun with my random crazy movement. I love you brain. :D



(Don't let this picture fool you. I love babies and I am not violent. I just love being silly and playing with Erica.)

I think I also have a pretty great sense of humor. I have found people in my life, that think the same way I do and I love how funny we all are. I love making people happy, and I specifically love making people laugh.

Sometimes I can be too honest. I used to get yelled at for it, I would make people feel uncomfortable, but really we all need a little honesty. I rarely get praised for it, but the few times make it worth it.

I also like wearing weird clothes. Or I used to, I've sort of pulled out of the weird to more layered and random? I think it does affect the way people see me and it does "light them up." I have a secret to share... every time I have been dumped, the boys always bring up how they love my clothes and/or style. Perhaps, it shows some confidence in myself? I think it's the weirdest thing ever. I have also gotten while I am dating, does anyone else get that? Do boys actually care about clothing? Well, the ones I know do. lol.

REVERB #2

I think I am just going to be lazy and pick the prompts I like and attempt to write when I feel like it? It's winter break, I can do what I want :D

December 3 – Moment.
Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

One of my most vivid memories of the year, for some reason, was when I spent the afternoon reading Hunger Games in Ellensburg this summer. I think this was one of the first times after the big break up, that I felt content with myself, like I was alive and human again. I remember sitting outside in 90 degree weather on my lawn drinking pelligrino with lime (in a wine glass, I am fancy). I set up a towel by the tree in the front yard, laid out on my belly and was visited by ants. After about 10 minutes I quickly switched to my nicely air conditioned apartment... I snuggled up with piper and a blanket and continued on with Katniss Everdean's adventures. I think the mixture of the heat, a good story, and my puppy made this day absolutely wonderful :)

Reverb.. my change of pace for December Gratitudes

I found this website from the happiness project's website. "Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. Use the end of your year as an opportunity to reflect on what's happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead."

Sounds fun. Let's try it :) Maybe I'll use pictures too!

These will take forever to write... I'll find a day to catch up :)

December 1 - One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?


(Me. Naked on the bathroom floor. Flu. Definitely gotten better since then..)


If I were to describe my 2010, I would have to go the positive route and go with the word Growth. My goodness, it was such an emotional year! (I'm so thankful for the friends that helped me!) I've dealt with a great deal of depressive emotions in the last five years, and this year, after hitting a new low, I decided to focus on myself by reflecting on my daily happiness. I've learned a lot in the last year, my capacity to love and experience happiness has grown a great deal. I feel like I can be happier and do more than I thought in the past. If you asked me a year ago, I would probably say that I was truly happy and could not be happier. Well by comparing that feeling to today, I can say that I feel a great deal happier than 2009 :) I am so thankful for the year's events. Oh geez! . . . I look forward to 2011 and I hope it will be a fantastic year!

AND...

If I were to guess what word I would describe 2011 with, I would say... Real? I guess my big plans for 2011 consist of student teaching, substituting and hopefully, getting my first real teaching gig! To me, I might actually begin to feel like I am really living life and that I am a real big kid. Or maybe an adult? I'm probably going to have to really support myself (Whoda thunk it?). I will have to be a real live adult and do real grown up things. I think Peter Pan has it right..."To live would be an awfully big adventure."


I think that sounds about right?

My friend Jon Burdine is pretty much famous. This makes me HAPPY :)

I'm sorry. I like country. Uh...

A little cheer-full

It's been sorta a crummy day. Time to fill up my brain with happpy pictures!! <3

CouEriRylicia

Last night, whilst trekking to the bars of downtown Ellensburg, I had a moment of clarity, realizing that my college life is not that awesome/social/what I always expected it to be because it lacks the Courtny/Erica/Rylee/Alicia balance.

When the four of us come together, life is pretty grand.

Oh, dance.
Oh, alcohol.
Oh, growing up.
Oh, babies.




Last night, whilst trekking to the bars of downtown Ellensburg, I had a moment of clarity, realizing that my college life is not that awesome/social/what I always expected it to be because it lacks the Courtny/Erica/Rylee/Alicia balance.

The weekend of the 15th

I am having one of those days where I just feel so down and I do not know why. Thus, I need to divert my attention to what makes me happy.

1. Green River Soda. Zachary took me to Aversanos on friday and I had a Green River. It was like my childhood instantly came flooding back. It's sort of like my very own dandelion wine.


2. Rylee.
For so long (about three months), I just took out all of my anger on her and I was a terrible friend. I am so happy she decided to stick around and that we get along again. We may have completely opposite stances on certain things, but she is probably the only person I feel like I can talk about anything and everything with. It will be nice when we both live in the same city full-time again.

3. Liquid Courage. Every time I drink I usually regret it afterwards because it makes me feel disgusting the entire next day. I also feel a bit guilty for consuming empty calories and half the time my blood sugar drops and I become a monster. Well, some days I feel like even though I wish everyone could just be honest without it, it is something that makes people share and sometimes bonds people. I am very grateful for the times I have with friends and when they are able to share their lives with me. This weekend, I learned something that will help me understand someone and hopefully allow our friendship to grow. I've felt something missing this whole time and now that this wall is down, I can begin to fully understand her <3

4. Zak and I being the same person, at times. Last night, he called me and he is sneaky and knew I would be having crazy girl feelings and reassured me. What a magician.

5. Pumpkins. I love pumpkins. I love pumpkin pie, I love pumpkin seeds, I love pumpkin spiced lattes. Fall is wonderful because pumpkins are everywhere!!

Thanksgiving Trial Success!

Last year, Mom and I had a few bumps during Thanksgiving... Actually we messed up most of the cooking. Not really, she messed up on the stuffing and I messed up a pie. Anyways, this past Saturday, we tried a practice Thanksgiving so this year would run smoothly. It went pretty well, I forgot my apple crisp in the oven and burnt the top but overall it was pretty dang good.

I love cooking :)

North Bend Mayhem

Yesterday evening I drove to North Bend to meet my dearest. We drove all around North Bend and it is pretty darn cute. We also found that when you park in wooded areas some people will sit there until you leave...and honk.

I am in love <3




We also sat in McDonalds talking for like 2 hours...

I forgot to post about Sam's Birthday. And Port Angeles

I am so very thankful for my family and I love my sisters a lot. (Most of the time)



I am also very thankful that I have Erica, Delilah and Calana in my life. Look at Delilah go with the make up! I also love that Calana looks ridiculously happy.

October 1st to the 3rd

I went home this weekend and hung out with my MOMMY! She pointed out today how every day we went to a different grocery store and spent monies. I < 3 food!


"I just want a rich old dude who wants absolutely nothing from me except my conversation to become my sugar daddy and buy me many nice things, is that so much to ask for?" - Sece



I also made this vegan avocado pie...

9/30

I woke up this morning, got ready, ate my breakfast and everything. I went up to my room to grab my stuff to leave, opened my door and across the hallway I see Tamara and then hear, "Ah! I am naked!" and tamara is standing there in her undies and covering herself with her arms. TJ is in the background laughing and all I can do is laugh. I couldn't even try to say anything serious and act like it wasn't uncomfortable. It was the most ridiculous moment ever.

For 9/27

The other night, we had our first "family outing." TJ, Tamara, and I all walked over to the convenience store for some snacks. I found a giant arnold palmer zero can of delicious-ness and it made my evening.

I love bonding.

I also love tea.

I also also love the Hellands.

Gratitude for 9/15

Tea Parties

New Friends

Halloween costume discussions

Gratitude for September 8th

Cracklin Oat Bran. I mean seriously, that cereal makes my day.

Gratitude for August 29th

Zachary Tyler asking me to be his girrrrrlllllllfriend < 3

Gratitudeeeee

1. Baskin Robbins
2. Sece
3. The LXD

8/12 & 8/13

Meeting new people and exploring the bars of capitol hill... and beer :)



Not being able to decide what kind of donut I want and thus, getting two.

Gratitude 8/11

1. Veggie Sandwiches and apple pie from CJ's Deli
2. Reading Ashley Dean's Blog!
3. Lake Tapps <3


I had a real hard time yesterday. I am way too emotional for my own good. I am so grateful that I have people in my life like Sece to cheer me up and make my life sooooo wonderful <3

8/5 & 8/6 Gratitude

Zak Ross is quite lovely < 3

8/5 Gratitude

Tasty food and good company = < 3

Gratitude 7/31

I love Alexis and MJ. I also love how much they love each other. < 3

Gratitude 7/30

I really love distractions. Tall, sweet and attractive distractions :)

Gratitude for Sunny Days

I spent a good chunk of the day yesterday tanning, reading Catching Fire, snuggling Piper and drinking Pellegrino w/ lime. I felt completely content and happy for a good 5+ hours and I believe this happiness should be bottled up.

Can I lock myself in cool room, with an outdoor sunny patch of grass for tanning for the rest of my life please? Good books included obviously?

I suppose it would eventually get lonely. Nope. Books are fine. Nevermind. Get me the room please.

July 17th

Sece and I have a new game going where we try to slip in "Inceptions." Hmm.. Guess you had to be there... Anyways, the movie is about putting ideas in people's minds and so that's what we try to do.. sorta.

The last three days

7/15
Zumba. Zumba. Zumba. Not even Zumba, Prime Fitness Zumba. It's interesting that I can feelso inspired to be a fantastic elementary school teacher from a 60-minute cardio class. Everyone needs to get down there and feel the happiness, energy and hard work that goes in to each class. It's wonderful!


7/16
I saw Inception with Sece. It was amazing. I didn't know movies could be so amazing. It really made me thankful for the human mind. WE ARE SO COMPLICATED AND AMMMAZING!

After the movie and Yella Beak, Sece, Jayme, and I went to Jayme's house and we looked at all the art work posted on the wall from Jayme and her siblings and just laughed. We pretended to analyze the pictures like real works of art and then just ripped them apart. It's fun to be silly some times :)


7/17
I finally finished reading, "The Happiness Project" I think I actually feel happier after reading it. Can't wait to start my own project :)

7/13 & 7/14 Gratitude

7/13

Movie night (disney at that!) with my favv Tyler. She always creates a sense of calm. I think she is magical!

7/14

Hanging out with Sierra and her man Andrey. SYTYCD, Pool time, loveliness!

Quotes i've been dying to post somewhere (From The Happiness Project):

"There are times in the lives of most of us when we would have given all the world to be as we were but yesterday, though that yesterday had passed over us unappreciated and unenjoyed."

"It's easy to make the mistake of thinking that if you have something you love or there's something you want, you'll be happier with more."

7/12 Gratitude

Skipping class? A must. I traveled to Leavenworth with Tim Tam, Sky, Elora, and Ryan. Jolly good fun! We visited a fruit stand, did a wine tasting, ate in a pub, and saw a show.

Seeing semi-poor community shows really motivate me. I think I want to try out for CWU's stuff in the fall.

:)

7/11 Gratitude

Buying groceries at METROPOLITAN MARKET and then eating them on the beach with Calana and Mike.

Loverly.

And feeling like everything is the most hilarious thing in the world.

Adventures.

Gratitude for 7/10

Yesterday during Alexis' bridal shower, there was a moment in the living room when I felt that everyone there was smiling, laughing and having fun. I felt the instant of happiness.

I could tell that her whole family loved each other and they were all best friends.

I noticed that moment and I am incredibly grateful that I was able to spot this happiness, feel it and remember it.

<3

Gratitude For July 9th

Driving from The Rock to my house.
Sece + Jayme+ Courtny + MIA + Good Weather + Sweet ass car= Lovely.

Gratitude Journal Day 1

I was reading in the book, "The Happiness Project" about keeping a gratitude journal and/or just writing a sentence every day about something great.

For 7/8

The lake is so beautiful. My house is so beautiful. I'm so happy I have a life where I can laze around on a lake all day.

I love little miss beautiful and talented Secelia. We had a lovely evening last night tanning, eating and trying to decide where the hell people should eat in Bonney Lake. We also discussed how we should both have our septums pierced with a chain running from each of our noses. Best friend noses?

My Mission

While Ashley is on her mission I have set a mission for myself to read all the books she loves. Thus, upon Ashley's return, I will have a giant book report ready for her. This is also making me think that I should set some other mission before she comes home. Any suggestions? Climb a mountain? Wrestle a bear? or perhaps serve the community in some heroic way?

Until then... here's the list:

1. These Is My Words by Nancy Turner

2. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

3. Persuasion by Jane Austen

4.(X) The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

5.(X) Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins

6. The Mysterious Case of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon

7. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

8. My Name is Asher Lev by Chaim Potok

9. The Twentieth Wife by Indu Sundaresan

10. A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court by Mark Twain

11. Pudd'nhead Wilson by Mark Twain

12. (X)Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery

13. Memiors of a Geisha by Arthur Golden

14. (X)The Road by Cormac McCarthy

15. Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card

16. Spindle's End by Robin McKineley

17. The Outlaws of Sherwood Forest by Robin Mckineley

18. Blink by Malcom Gladwell

19. The China Study by T. Colin Campbell

20. (X)Food Matters by Mark Bittman

21. Bryson's Dictionary of Troublesome Words by Bill Bryson

22. Walden by Henry David Thoreau

23. A Metaphorical God by Kimberly Johnson

24. Savage Girls and Wilds Boys: A History of Feral Children by Michael Newton

25. "The Book of Mormon by God" (cute ash!)

I will extend the boundaries of my brain and attempt to get through all of this. I have to admit that I am a little scared and I believe I will miss many of the meanings presented in these books for I can be a bit of a dummy...

I'm not quite sure if I can get through the book of mormon. I tried once and I fell asleep after reading for 10 minutes. It's not exactly an easy summer read... Although, non of these books are...

I am jealous Ashley will come back a more traveled, wise old woman. I want to be wise too :)

LOVEn Ash, Kelli & Brooke

In the last year, I have been to Utah twice. Both times, after leaving, I have found my heart feeling full and every ounce of sadness that was in my body evaporated. So many of these friends live in a way that I totally respect and admire.

I love that ashley doesn't have cable.

I love how important family is to all of these friends.

I love that I always learn something new around these girls.

I love how brooke and ashley are the scariest drivers in the world.

I love how I feel comfortable, confident, and loved around my ex Washington friends.

I even like myself more when in Utah. Something that I should be feeling here in Ellensburg...

To live would be an awful big adventure.

I now have the opportunity to be as selfish as I want to and I've come up with a few ideas to spend my selfish time wisely.

1. I want to take Guitar lessons.
2. I would like to visit my sisters in San Diego and go to Disneyland.
3. I would like to visit my friends! Amy in Oregon; Lyle, Sean and LBS in Bellingham; my Utah/Boise ladies etc.
4. I want to go ziplining and skydiving.
5. I want to take Trixie Lane's burlesque kindergarten class and perform with confidence.
6. I want to visit the Harry Potter Theme Park
7. I would like to spend part of Spring of next year traveling in Europe and Asia.
8.I want to exercise in some form every day! Yoga twice a week, Run/Cardio 3x/week, Strength 3x/week!!
9. Take a pie making class at CJ's Deli and other cooking classes.
10. Work on my leg sleeve.
11. I want to take a boxing class.


EDIT: Half marathon is so not happening. I have now completed 2 and part of 3. YAY!

Caring is a Curse

It is so very painful to watch terrible things happen to your friends and be unable to help.

40 Seconds

I never understood that I could be so connected to 40 seconds.

I auditioned for my piece this week, which is very near and dear to me and after, the head of the dance department told me she was disappointed as the piece didn't turn out as expected. I feel very hurt because I'm putting myself out there and being very personal with this piece. This is about my grief with my Hailey and I don't believe anyone has a right to tell me that I'm doing anything wrong.

The two eight counts I did for auditions, were out of context and possibly did look a little jazzy. I understand, but what I don't get is why they didn't just ask me how the rest of the dance was coming along. I'm also quite angry they threatened to kick my piece out because of two stupid eight-counts that weren't "what they expected."

While this was all going on, a bunch of girls were sitting in front of the window of where I was crying and discussing this whole ordeal with the heads. The girls outside were then discussing whether they would give up their spots to choreograph for me. One girl actually did, but my piece was never actually cut. Now I feel a great deal of guilt about that.

Maybe I need to be in this tortured state to choreograph.