At least it's not the flu.

My left side of my nose is clogged. The right side burns when I breathe.
My throat is dry.
I got a brain freeze earlier today, the sensation stuck and my head is freezing. It's been eight hours.

Vitamin C, NyQuil, Nasal Decongestant. Please save me.

A million thoughts.

I want to be a better person. I want to be healthy (this includes respecting my body), to let go of any personal grudges or drama I have, to read more, to study hard, to socialize, to dance and choreography until I can no longer move. I would love to build healthy relationships, work hard, and be happy. I want to work with children, be great at my job and work for a long time. I want to feel great about myself, love myself, love my family and friends.

I don't want to judge people, I don't want to gossip, I don't want to get angry, jealous, or irritated. I don't want to be irritated with you because you are becoming friends with someone I loathe. I don't want to hear my friends talking about how they don't enjoy other friends. I don't want friends to be unhappy because they are involved in unhealthy relationships.

I feel that so often lately a thought has come through my head and I do whatever I can to unthink it. I want to be everything I respect and not be a person that I dislike.

Goals.

In middle school, each student made an autobiography and there was a section that listed your goals. I've been thinking a lot lately about how irritated I am with myself for not finishing and training for that marathon. I think I'm going to try again and I'm also going to update/publish some goals/dreams/fun things.

1. Finish a marathon.

2. Own and teach at my dance studio.

3. Graduate from college and go back for a master's degree. I would really love to study more dance. I think it would be very interesting to work on the scientific/social part and look at how and why people move.

4. Get married, be a wonderful wife and work hard at building a beautiful, respectful relationship.

5. Have babies, be a great parent and really get to know and understand my kids.

6. Go sky diving, bungee jumping, and zip-lining!

7. Do some sort of theater again, I would love to get involved with lighting.

8. Take photography, cooking, foreign language and ASL classes.

9. Exercise regularly. I love Zumba, dancing, swimming, kickboxing, yoga etc. I just don't understand why I can't bring myself to be active each and every day.

10. Travel abroad for a lengthy amount of time. I'm so jealous of you Ashley. I feel like living somewhere else will give life a new perspective and complete me as a person. Could you imagine? Dancing in other countries? Gee Wiz!

11. I would really love to stop gossiping, judging, and comparing myself to others. I feel that leaving the cell phone at home and catching up at night would be enough, let my folks know that I'm alive. We don't need the fb, myspace, and what ever. I should at least cut my internet time down to 10 minutes a day.

This is a good start. I don't want to drag on and force it but if I could accomplish these, I could be happy.

Green Lemonade

I read in Shape last year about a woman who drank Green Lemonade for breakfast every morning. I've wanted to try it for the last year, but buying a juicer hasn't been at the top of my list.

I'm at Ian's house, and after watching video games for waaaay toooooo maaaaannnnyyy hours I asked Calana to read a book she owns, "The Raw Food Detox Diet." I know what you are thinking, for some reason the crazy "fruitarian" hippie from "Notting Hill" pops into my mind... This stuff is crazy we just need to eat everything in moderation right?

I've been thinking a lot about how way back when humans survived. They didn't have margarita's and Big Mac's, they ate fruit, nuts, what ever was lying around and bone marrow. Are bodies are meant to eat REAL foods. Fruits, veggies, grains, nuts, and a little meat. Raw food diet extremists tend to avoid meats and stick to veggies. I think I can find a balance and eat a mostly plant based diet.

I'll give it a shot.

To my fellow artists. (Ashely, Alexis and Brooke the only people who probably will read this)

I get to create my first real dance for the stage. (At college level) I have a general idea, I just am wanting to figure out specifics. I'm going to go very psuedo-artsy, research and get super into character.

Here is the my background info:
Growing up, I watched a lot of scary movies that were not intended for children my age. As a result, I'm deathly afraid of scary movies and I'm very paranoid that some crazy killer is after me. I don't over analyze as often as I did when I was younger, but I have spent a great deal of time jumping around corners in attack position ready to fight off some psycho.

Here is my idea:
NOW I wish to make a dance revolving around insane, murderous, horror film likeness and the life it has. Alicia, my co-choreographer is going to take ballerinas, they will be the innocent and the life that every horror film (dance) needs. My plan is to take modern dancers and make them crazy. I want them to be INSANE. I'm not sure where the dance will lead to, if they will kill each other or whether it will be dramatic or abstract. I've been thinking about it today and I'm wondering why people would kill.

Here are my thought on why insane people are the way they are:
1. They hear voices telling them to do it.
2. They are paranoid that everyone is after them.
3. Just plain crazy?

Any thoughts?

I guess I want to do the whole Heath Ledger thing and really get into it and find out what I need to make a dance about psychopathic monsters. (I won't go as far as he did..)

I'm really excited and I know this sounds slightly off for me to be taking on but this is my chance to finally create something. I GET TO DO WHAT I LOVE!

Blood Sugar Levels? Hormones? Psychological Disorders?

Some days, I would rather not exist. It's just like some massive emotional explosion, I feel sad, angry, and all other sorts of irritating ways. I'm going to blame hormones and anxiously wait this day out.

Oh to be a woman.

Materials

Alexis posted some items she has been thinking about purchasing and I decided to post some things I have been hoping to buy soon.

Good advertising? I'm sorry but I really really want a Dyson ball vacuum cleaner!

Tim Gunn said I need a trench coat. This is sort of a trench coat. I loves it.

I'll need a sweet lamp for my apartment next year...

I'm very picky about my slip on sneakers. It seems like it always takes everyone else two seconds to put on shoes so to catch up, I require slip ons. Since my other two pairs fill up with water every time it rains, I think it is time for a new pair!

I read that you should have your food processor sitting out so then you are more motivated to use it. I want to make my own salad dressings, sauces and soups!

Tim Gunn also said I need to have a cashmere sweater in my wardrobe. So I guess I need to get one. It's so pretty, professional it reads teacher!!

.

shelves. I love decorating my room and I always need more space to put my junk.

GRAND TOTAL: just a little under $1000... a girl can dream.