To my fellow artists. (Ashely, Alexis and Brooke the only people who probably will read this)

I get to create my first real dance for the stage. (At college level) I have a general idea, I just am wanting to figure out specifics. I'm going to go very psuedo-artsy, research and get super into character.

Here is the my background info:
Growing up, I watched a lot of scary movies that were not intended for children my age. As a result, I'm deathly afraid of scary movies and I'm very paranoid that some crazy killer is after me. I don't over analyze as often as I did when I was younger, but I have spent a great deal of time jumping around corners in attack position ready to fight off some psycho.

Here is my idea:
NOW I wish to make a dance revolving around insane, murderous, horror film likeness and the life it has. Alicia, my co-choreographer is going to take ballerinas, they will be the innocent and the life that every horror film (dance) needs. My plan is to take modern dancers and make them crazy. I want them to be INSANE. I'm not sure where the dance will lead to, if they will kill each other or whether it will be dramatic or abstract. I've been thinking about it today and I'm wondering why people would kill.

Here are my thought on why insane people are the way they are:
1. They hear voices telling them to do it.
2. They are paranoid that everyone is after them.
3. Just plain crazy?

Any thoughts?

I guess I want to do the whole Heath Ledger thing and really get into it and find out what I need to make a dance about psychopathic monsters. (I won't go as far as he did..)

I'm really excited and I know this sounds slightly off for me to be taking on but this is my chance to finally create something. I GET TO DO WHAT I LOVE!

Blood Sugar Levels? Hormones? Psychological Disorders?

Some days, I would rather not exist. It's just like some massive emotional explosion, I feel sad, angry, and all other sorts of irritating ways. I'm going to blame hormones and anxiously wait this day out.

Oh to be a woman.

Materials

Alexis posted some items she has been thinking about purchasing and I decided to post some things I have been hoping to buy soon.

Good advertising? I'm sorry but I really really want a Dyson ball vacuum cleaner!

Tim Gunn said I need a trench coat. This is sort of a trench coat. I loves it.

I'll need a sweet lamp for my apartment next year...

I'm very picky about my slip on sneakers. It seems like it always takes everyone else two seconds to put on shoes so to catch up, I require slip ons. Since my other two pairs fill up with water every time it rains, I think it is time for a new pair!

I read that you should have your food processor sitting out so then you are more motivated to use it. I want to make my own salad dressings, sauces and soups!

Tim Gunn also said I need to have a cashmere sweater in my wardrobe. So I guess I need to get one. It's so pretty, professional it reads teacher!!

.

shelves. I love decorating my room and I always need more space to put my junk.

GRAND TOTAL: just a little under $1000... a girl can dream.

SYTYCD: Mandy Moore

Tonight I went to a master class with Mandy Moore. It was basically Bikram Jazz/Contemporary. I felt like I was in a sauna, felt old and also felt very fat. The one thing Mandy told me was to fully extend my arm, even if I'm marking. I wasn't marking. I PERFORMED LIKE I WAS MARKING?

I can feel when I dance that I'm holding back, I don't know why I'm holding back or why I'm so afraid. I've felt it for a very long time and I know I can not teach if I can not dance for myself.

Why do I hate myself? Why am I so insecure? Dancing has always been something I love. What is going on?

Just a morning blurb

I was catching up and reading my mormon blogs and I had to make myself stop because I miss you guys so damn (sorry) much! I want to visit, and I know it is my turn but I lack the funds, especially now that I have to pay to visit my sister(s) and ian. (ALSO, IT WOULD BE A BIT DIFFICULT TO GO TO ROMANIA!) Anyways, Brooke & Ashley I love you guys so dearly and although we rarely see each other, you mean the world to me and it breaks my heart not to see you every day!

C Jayne Dance may actually become a reality.

In high school, I had to make an ad for a make-believe business. I made a dance studio and called it "C Jayne Dance" (GET IT!?) Anyways, it has always been in my head that I would have my own studio and teach dance after college. I also wish to teach in general because it sounds awesome but also because I think it's a good idea to have a back up/a steady sort of job (bad economy= little hope for a new business).

Today, my friend Alicia and I were talking about how we most look forward to teaching dance once we finish college. Then we both sort of looked at each other and a light bulbs went off. We have now decided that we will open up a dance studio together.

She's from the Seattle area and her boyfriend lives in Auburn and is planning on moving in. Alicia loves ballet, tap, lyrical and mostly teaching the older age group. I'm from the Seattle area and plan on living there after college. I love modern/contemporary, hip hop, jazz and mostly teaching the younger age group. We just realized what a perfect fit it would be and I think I would be content in life with this career set up.

Now all we need is money, space, and students.

I just want to talk about this and I don't know which internet device to post it to.

Last night, my friend Erica and I were watching the movie Taken (It was pretty good but creepy as hell). Anyways, she is now 7 months pregnant and during the movie little Delilah June started kicking. I preceded to tell Erica that I had never ever felt a baby kick before, so she put my hand on her tummy and I felt her little soccer star kick. It was the craziest thing and so unbelievably cool. It's so weird to think that a little being is in there and will be out soon. The more I hang out with Erica the more baby crazy I'm getting.

I don't want kids for a loong looong while, but I can't wait to have my own :]